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How to Have Lesbian Intercourse The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How can you have lesbian sex? We have asked this concern all the time from lesbians of all ages who haven’t had lesbian gender and so are worried they don’t understand “how.” Really, pay attention: enjoying gender actually about memorizing 16 jobs or understanding the best angle to fuck from, taking pleasure in lesbian sex is half-animal half-heart and simply seldom has it had gotten almost anything to carry out together with your logical brain, or intellectual reasoning, or any such thing people could show or what you could keep reading websites.

Even though it really is true that someday you will be self assured and experienced than you will be today, additionally, it is true that your system came into this world knowing how getting gender enjoy it came to be understanding how to eat. Very first time does not have are a problem, some people you shouldn’t actually recall all of our basic occasions. Alternatively, if you like that it is a big deal, it could be. But fundamentally every companion differs — completely, completely, entirely various — from the then.
Just what exactly could we reveal, truly

Nonetheless — in addition, many of us remember a period whenever lesbian gender felt like fumbling, or improv, trying to perform a sport we did not realize, like badminton. Or a sport everybody thought you should be good at but we weren’t. At the same time, other people recall hopping into sleep and instinctually knowing what to accomplish as soon as of entry. A lot of us had intercourse with boys inside our adolescents and did not bang a girl ’til all of our mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies all over again. So we can understand how you will feel a little better-knowing a little before taking the leap.

Ladies sex, aside from queer sexuality, is usually disregarded by gender ed programs. Although a lot of heteros understand sex together inside their early kids, numerous lesbians you shouldn’t start that very early and/or aren’t peer socialized in to the intimate universe like straights are, not to mention our entire media society is organized about and obsessed with heterosexual intercourse.

So we’re gonna return to basics. However, while we write this post, we have been slightly concerned that individuals have no drilling concept that which we’re discussing. Develop to open a dialogue for

commenters to express their particular stories and encounters as well as for everybody to ask questions!


This blog post (originally printed in 2010 and largely unaltered from the period) focuses on lesbian sex between cisgender females, although can be mainly appropriate to sex between any two people with vulvas, and filled with fantastic advice for anybody sex with someone who has a vulva. The vocabulary on this page, unlike most our intercourse material, reflects that mainly for SEO reasons. But trans women can be ladies and most certainly have lesbian gender, and you can review a few of the a lot of ideas on that throughout these posts:
How To Have Lesbian Gender With A Trans Woman
F*cking Trans Females
Harnesses for Trans Ladies

Pre-Game Your Lesbian Intercourse


If you have a vulva therefore wanna know how to make individuals with a vulva feel well, you’ve got the advantageous asset of using your self for a test subject matter — not that what pleases you may please your partner, but it is a start. Probably you and your showerhead have been familiar with this since youth, in case you are a new comer to genital stimulation or not used to orgasming, here’s
how to masturbate like a champ.
While you are at it,
discover ideas on how to buy a vibrator

Becoming an experienced masturbator will help you to be an effective lover more than anything else you could potentially ever before perform, ever before. You will not only learn how your partner can kindly you, but you will involve some notion of simple tips to please them.


Touching yourself with your denim jeans and lingerie on (you can unzip the denim jeans, but do not pull all of them down) could be very good practice for your big date to

Twilight Total Eclipse In The Sun



When you’re stimulated, you will feel hot or flushed. Your own nipples will get erect, your clit and vulva will swell because improved circulation. Within your body, the top of the vagina will develop.


Check out your insides. The outside of everyone’s vulva is actually a fresh continent, however the insides are fairly just like the other person, so it is a good quick peek if you have one.


If you one, take a look at your own vadge in mirror. I know you will peruse this and think “OH our Jesus I WOULD NEVER” and never take action. Overcome your self. Put
a drilling mirror
in the middle of your legs and look for the shit!

Understand Your Vaginal Situation, When You Have One

Very first situations 1st: individuals typically use the term “vagina” whenever talking about the female vaginal region, which actually isn’t correct. The right phrase for your exterior vaginal region is “vulva.” The snatch is actually inside you, hooking up the vulva with the cervix. Listed Here Is
a good post from teenage Vogue that enters all the information about structure

Now that you’re sitting right here together with your mirror, let’s discuss the anatomy of a cisgender female’s vulva.


Your own clit is made up of the glans/head (probably the most painful and sensitive part with 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the bonnet (which drapes across the glans) therefore the shaft (which can be an average of 1.9 cm in total). Some clits tend to be larger than other people, and all women can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

All of them become your “pussy lips.” Next,
the labia minora
will be the asymmetrical delicate retracts of softy spongy erecticle muscle inside the labia majora. Some labia minoras extend beyond the majoras and a few tend to be saved internally. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras will be the beginning where you’ll realize that
every woman’s snatch appears diverse from another’s


: your own genital entry is actually below the clitoris and urethral beginning (aka where in fact the pee comes out). Vaginal muscle is flexible, you might have heard that infants emerge from it and fists can go into it. A lot of the neurological endings come into the exterior 3rd associated with the vagina (put differently: don’t worry about having little hands, it is nbd).

many vulvas showcased contained in this snatch artwork by jamie mccatney


Put a little finger inside vagina. Now make a “come hither” motion to the forward wall of your own vagina. Would you think that area with a texture unlike everything else’s consistency? Its a sponge in regards to the measurements of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, right in front of your own womb. Some women discover g-spot pleasure as well rigorous, some hate it, some think its great, some can orgasm from it, and a few can female ejaculate as a result.



The level region amongst the pudendal cleft in addition to anal area. Some ladies discover this region sexually painful and sensitive. Slangily referred to as “the taint” ’cause it isn’t the genitals also it ain’t the arse.

Brushing for Lesbian Gender


You are able to do literally anything you desire together with your tresses, although eliminating it totally
allows you to in danger of attacks
and it can be very itchy! Here’s
some stats on the locks treatment behaviors

Tips if you are going to remove some locks:

  • If you possess the money plus the time, hair laser removal is best way to get rid of your hair for the reason that region when it comes down to long-term. It’s generally asserted that laser hair removal works more effectively on less heavy skin colors, but
    the good news is that’s switching
  • For most people, waxing may be the best/cheapest way to “cleaning” without ingrowns. Depending on your own skin tone and awareness, waxing risk turning your skin a gorgeous tone of crimson for everyday, therefore itinerary suitably. We suggest setting it up done by a specialist, in case you want to DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and easy for newbies
    so is it kit from
  • If you’re shaving, you can get angry major razor burn which often appears to be a lot of yellow bumps all-around your area.
    Bikini area can help you with this specific
  • In the event that you shave a couple of days before hooking up, anybody who falls you will feel they have been inserting their face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Ensure your nails are because small as you possibly can and effortlessly registered. If you do have lengthy nails or acrylics,
here is tips have intercourse securely without having to sacrifice them
. Maintaining your arms mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Get involved in it extra-safe by utilizing some helpful
exudate or nitrile gloves


You guys, your own vagina smells best simply the means its! Do not douche or otherwise try to infuse your own vagina with industries of marigolds. It will have a stronger smell for those who haven’t showered or have actually gotten really wet, and that is okay. (Sidenote: the lingering smell of their on your disposal = magic). But in case the vagina smells very pungently fishy that your companion can smell it in your jeans from over the area,
you may have BV
and ought to
go see a gynecologist

Doing The Lesbian Gender

To be honest, we kinda don’t want you to definitely peruse this. We desire you to need to figure it out for yourself, like we did! All of you, it’s therefore fun and you get to be naked or half-naked with another lady! Right?! gender certainly are the finest when you end thinking and let your body think for your needs!

Additionally, there are at the least 1,000 intercourse tips we’re able to offer you for the rest of the sexual life, but nowadays we are gonna stay really






Merely ’cause you are both females does not mean exactly what feels very good to you personally will feel good to her. The two of you can suggest what is working and what exactly isn’t through terms, noises, or real feedback. Do not embarrassed to ask questions or volunteer what you like. It’s just like the Hot/Cold game, but nude and slick! Saying “what do you ever like” is entirely something we do. Therefore is chuckling.
We advice lots of laughing

Lesbian Intercourse Foreplay

There are a great number of circumstances taking place in the torso region for of you to understand more about, like TITS and ears, and using those areas of the body is actually fun AND a good way to get lubed right up before every types of drive vaginal get in touch with occurs (in the event that’s what you need). Many people can orgasm from pleasure of some other areas of the body in addition to the vadge, too. (if it is the or your lover’s first time being penetrated, cannot buy the
jackhammer shag within 5 minutes of your own basic language hug, ease into that crap!)

Hands-on Clitoral Pleasure

This is an excellent starting point for. Pretty self-explanatory. Again, many people will require your own hand in order to become a dildo and some simply desire to be touched with intense delicacy. Discover the truth by asking!

Oral intercourse is really so awesome
it practically feels like cheating. Like had been mouths enabled to get truth be told there, or is that anything mankind determined on its own? Per usually, err privately of sensitive. This may be either “teasing” or “how she likes it,” depending on the lady. This can be combined with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we’re starting easy today, thus, again, enjoy yourself. Occasionally when you have human body picture problems, being eaten can make you feel actually uncovered. Thus close your own sight, things are fine. Also remember to
rehearse much safer intercourse with dental care dams


While in question, begin slow/soft/delicate and create around as fast/hard as she wants it. Make sure she’s damp prior to trying entrance —
lube is a great strategy to do this
. Subsequently:

+ start out with your own directory digit within just a little bit, following completely in then present a second digit if she wishes. (After that a 3rd if she wants, etc etc) You shouldn’t go too fast, give the woman for you personally to respond.

+ look closely at in which your own some other fingers tend to be! If you the index/middle fingers inside the lady, will be your thumbnail looking into her inner thigh? Check your shit.

+ Some females should not be penetrated for various factors, such as distress, gender identification or gender expression,
and/or a preference for a certain intimate character
(as with “I shag you, you do not shag me.”) If that is you and your spouse gets because place, politely go her hand and inform her the place you would wish to be handled (or you’d quite touch the woman).


Today, inserting the hand down her shorts or more the woman channel could be the first instinct, or even its everything’ve observed on

The L Term

, but that is only one of many magical means women fuck additional ladies. You’ll discover 365 tactics to fundamentally dried out hump (you


keep undies on for this, it may be simpler, but kindly do take-off your clothing, for the reason that it’s more enjoyable). You’ll essentially wipe upon any section of the woman body or wipe vadge-to-vadge nearly throughout your lifetime.

A Lot More Sources For Great Lesbian Gender:

More You Are Aware

  • DONT USUALLY DO NOT compare parts of the body

    . Compliments are excellent! But forgo the urge to incorporate an assessment of your parts onto your match relating to her parts. ‘Your [part] is really even more [way of being] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • In case you are coping with non-gender-conforming individuals then it’s better to ask before setting up what’s okay and what isn’t. Exact same for coping with gender conforming folks!
  • You have got the right feeling safe and comfortable, meaning that
    is vital so is
    better gender
    — please get a check-up and confer with your lover about any STIs you or she possess before leaping into sleep.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you are not “BEHIND.” Due to the patriarchy, it’s going to elevates about 15 moments to find specifics of the common get older of which heterosexual men and women drop their V-Cards (16-17), but no these research is present for lesbians so far as we can tell. So we’ve accomplished a casual study of group Autostraddle, that is an undesirable trial populace because we are all under 35 and obviously “out” enough to end up being


    Team Autostraddle so, we imagine, probably much more sexually experienced than the typical lesbian keep. Despite, by age and 12 months of “virginity reduction”:

Among our entirely non-representative trial sized queer females, the common get older for “our first time” is actually 19.4.

Relevant Databases

Body Parts that might be erogenous OR no-fly zones:

+ ears

+ neck

+ hard nipples

+ inner upper thighs

+ foot

+ hands

+ butt

+ small of the straight back

Some individuals Carry Out and a few Men And Women Cannot:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ orgasm from penetration

+ climax

+ incorporate adult toys into intercourse

+ enjoy g-spot pleasure

+ call for hands-on clitorial pleasure to climax

+ like clitorial stimulation AND genital penetration to orgasm

+ delight in anal entrance or
butt plugs
eating ass

+ use

+ orgasm anyway

+ identify as

+ fantasize during sex

+ determine as either a ”
” or a ”
very top

+ recognize as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be nude while having sex

+ desire the lighting on during intercourse

+ want it rough

have actually an STI

+ want to

Items That Could Happen Very First Some Time Become Totally Fine:

and virtually soaking your whole sleep (it isn’t urine, we pledge) (additionally, its amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ Accidentally cutting/lacerating the pussy (
this occurs to outdated pros, also
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ Not being

Getting injured

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast conditions

+ Taking 30+ moments to orgasm

+ Your supply obtaining tired

+ Crying

+ Laughing

+ Thoughts

+ No emotions

+ perhaps not experiencing like the whole world changed

+ Feeling like the entire world altered

+ experiencing like you’re on a completely new standard of intimacy together with your partner

+ Not enjoying it

Do not end up being also goal-oriented. Lots of people never appear initially — many people never appear regularly while having sex anyway! If neither of you perform, there is going to be a second as soon as you feel like you’re accomplished anyhow, like encounter has ended, hence might feel odd, but it’s not unusual, it occurs. Stop whenever you’d stop any physically exhausting activity — as soon as you you should not feel just like it any longer. Simply laugh and maybe remain nude and hug and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians love to cuddle. Or ask this lady to demonstrate you the way she becomes by herself off and vice versa — shared genital stimulation is a great back-up plan for once you both want to arrive but are unable to apparently get it this time. Plus it’s hot to look at to check out exactly what she does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Intercourse Bible

More practices and advice about lesbian, bisexual and queer females that draws near the subject with wit and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Globe

: The cover for this guide can be so weird and 90s, but you can install it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s — it’s just FUN. It really is extremely sex-positive and deserves becoming a cult standard with the lesbian publication world starting today.


The Whole Lesbian Intercourse Book: A Passionate Guide for all those

, by Felice Newman: The standard. Purchase it, find out it, stay it, think it’s great.


Lesbian Intercourse: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: we bet that you don’t know anything in regards to the Joyride, Tongue and Groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, female Wrap or Velvet line, perform ya? Well you could change that.


Getting Off: A Female’s Guide to Masturbation

: From intercourse writer and masturbation specialist Jayme Waxman.


Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a brand new Age

: Get in touch with the womynhood.


New Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS regarding their intercourse lives, contains the influence of reminding you that there surely is plenty of lesbians on the market sex and it’s really not simply your partner(s) within teeny little community by the sea.


Treatment Intercourse: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma

: “initial motivating, sex-positive manual for many women survivors of sexual assault — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and solitary — who would like to recover their unique sex life.”



Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational gender positive feminists whoever discussion on sex and feminism entertains and educates while delving to the Politics of females’s Sexuality.” Includes
a collection of “how-to” movies
for many different intimate functions, such as “first-time lesbian sex.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“all you actually ever wanted to {know about|learn about|find out about|un
you could try here